Anger management- Part 2

As promised in the previous article, here are the reasons why we should control anger proactively.

Lord Buddha said that “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. In Sinhalese, we say that “blood becomes impure” when we get angry. We realize how true these sayings are when we consider the effects of adrenaline- the hormone which shoots up when we are angry. For our ancestors in the jungle, this was beneficial when they saw an animal; the burst of energy that followed would enable them to fight or flee from the scene. 
However, if you’re chronically angry or stressed out, adrenaline can take a heavy toll on you.
 

  • Since our muscles need the maximum amount of Oxygen and glucose they can get, the blood flow to other systems is reduced. This would result in digestive problems such as indigestion, gastritis, loss of appetite,etc

  • The liver would send more and more glucose to the bloodstream. If this is not used up, diabetes is just around the corner.

  • The liver also sends more of the long term energy source, cholesterol, to blood. These bratty molecules will nestle in your arteries, especially in the thin ones in the heart and the brain, forcing you to welcome heart attacks and strokes. Don’t forget highblood pressure, tachycardia and arrhythmia

  • Did you know that right now, a pre-cancerous cell could be forming in your body? Luckily, Natural Killer cells (NK cells) can destroy these. Since there is more probability for the skin to get damaged during a fight, the immunity system would focus on the exterior of the body. Therefore the dreaded “c” word, cancer, is a possible consequence too.

  • Excessive adrenaline can also cause a host of other discomforts such as headaches, migraines and pulmonary edemas.

      When we consider the long term effects of anger, WE are at more danger than the victims of our anger. Are YOU willing to pay the price?
 
The brain is a wonderful creation. You can train it to give you a positive chain of thoughts during frustrating situations. The following table could help you for that. A mere glance at only the first and the third column just before you go to sleep and just after you wake up could do wonders to your peace of mind.


There is a well-known story which goes as follows. (From http://www.inspirationpeak.com/cgi-bin/stories.cgi?record=50)



Nails In The Fence 

Author Unknown

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”
“Of course I can,” said the father.


My sincere wish is that, for the sake of your own health and for the sake of your loved ones, you will think twice before bursting out in anger.

 

FINAL PRAYER

(More attempts at weird dark poetry. This one is strange)

“Left behind in life-prayed…..
Failed at everything-prayed……
Never did anyone have a kind word-prayed…..
Never had the ones I loved, love me back-prayed….
Nobody noticed me-prayed……

Thank you for putting me on this world, Lord. This is my last prayer…….

The blood keeps flowing….
The steel is in, twisting, forever twisting….

The blood keeps flowing,
The tiles are bathed;
My chest is holed, and the Lord in the Kingdom weeps.
Alas! He cries, prays long and loud for life.
What anchor holds me now, King?
What anchor to this world?
Your Son’s, Lord, was all man’s prayer;
Mine is none but cruel regret.

The blood keeps flowing,
For locked for years has been this heart.
Mortal I am; Fallen I am. You could never know.
But our hearts lie twisted, torn and dead.
You made us all, we put you out;
Yet still from the ashes did you arise.
Nothing will change
When I sink down. No prayers, no love, no memory.

To love thee Lord, but never to see you,
Burned me forever, a lasting flame.
To want to know more, but never to know,
Froze all left of my soul.
To never have my prayers answered,
Forever guides this blade.

The blood keeps flowing,
The breath has run.
The steel is now my dear.
So into Thy hands I give my spirit,
Or sink lower, lower, lower….
At your feet now pools the blood;
My prayer is answered.
Can I not see the beauty of your face?
The shining light,
The pure gaze?

But I see!

I see!

I see!

Hands are beckoning from below me.
I feel your tears on my breaking soul.
Did I finally not move you now Lord?
For never did you hear my prayer.
Love me now, pray for me as I’m gone-
Another lamb in the horned wolf’s jaws,
For the sea of darkness bathes me through,
And the blade has found its mark.

The blood keeps flowing….
The world turns black…..

This is my final prayer.

Through our prayers, we speak to God. Do not feel betrayed. Pray with faith and He will answer. We are not alone….”

Anger management-Part 1



Anger

We give it different names. Whether you call it rage, frustration, fury or indignation, it was the subliminal force that drove people to extremes of violence that bathed our island in blood. It is the force you deal with every day, whether you feel outraged after a passing car decorates your immaculate white shirt with splotches of mud or when a colleague yells at you for no reason at all.

Anger: Is it useless, needed to some extent, or essential? 
Let me ask that question in another way. Is fever useless, needed to some extent, or essential? Do I hear you saying “Oh! Fever? Feeling uncomfortable for days on end? You call that “necessary”?” Yet scientifically, fever is a symptom which can help us to detect life-threatening diseases early on. It is a defense mechanism of the body. Therefore fever is essential. 
Similarly, anger is essential. When we feel angry, it indicates that either we or others are not meeting the standards we have in our minds. If you don’t feel angry, other people would walk all over you and you would never be the best you can be.
To put it in brief, feelingangry is completely all right; it is our reaction that we should look out for.
Whenever you sense this feeling creeping up on you, first of all, accept that you are feeling angry. Then ask yourself why you feel so. Fine, your sister grabbed that last piece of cake from your hands. Is it reasonable enough to yell and make a scene?  For every situation, ask yourself whether you can tolerate it. Is it just the way your sister is? Perhaps it is just because your standards and the other person’s standards differ. What may be outrageous to you would be completely acceptable to another.
 If you feel that you cannot tolerate the other, then it is time for an open discussion. By that I mean a conversation where both parties get to have their say and not a tearing-your-hair-out-name-calling-stomping-around session. In an open discussion, both parties should strive to reach a middle ground. If it was a debate, you would lose whether you win or not. When you win, you do not learn anything and your relationship is damaged, sometimes forever. When you lose, you learn something; yet once again your bond maybe ruined beyond repair.
In the next article, we would be looking at the ill effects of anger and how we can control it.

Perfectly Flawed People

 This was first posted here, but we felt there would be no harm and posting it on this blog too.

 

You know how you are happily having a bath in the night and then, the power goes off. You have three options.

Stop bathing, stand/sit still and wait for the power to get back on
Look for your towel, hopefully cover your self and go find a candle
Take a risk, complete your bath in the dark

I always go with the third option. It’s risky, let me tell you that. Having used the office washroom without a properly working light at least five times, I can be considered an expert on the issue. I’ve had to use… umm… a petrol shed bathroom and the only light I got was from a phone, which I tried not to drop anywhere.

So what happens is that you’ve used that same old bathroom, with the same old floor plan for years, and you think you can figure it all out blindfolded. But as soon as there’s no light, your mind forgets where the fixtures were. So you try not to slip, because we all know that falling in the bathroom is utterly painful. And you look for soap and try to turn on the shower again. Then you find your towel, and wipe your self dry.

And then! The biggest challenge, getting into your clothes. Which in the dark is as complicated, exhausting and frustrating as trying to buy food from a crowded food truck!

However, having a bath in the dark does a lot of revealing. Not the kind of revealing any bath does. But being stripped off a sense you abuse and you never appreciate, makes you realize how simple life is, but how we complicate everything.

And darkness in general reveals.

I’ve spent the night at my cousins maybe three or four times. And on all those times, we’ve stayed up, way after we turned off the lights, chatting. Somehow we could be more honest with each other when we saw nothing. We would talk for hours, laughing at the lamest things, or sharing secrets with each other.

However, this post isn’t about sitting in the dark.

It’s about who we really are. I was once told there are no good people. Or bad people. You have people and they do various things that may make them seem like good people or bad people. But your actions can’t define you. In law, the wording of a law is very important. What is theft, what is trespass, what is malicious, what is a wound… So assault occasioning ABH could be merely touching someone without their consent. But the more serious offense includes wounding, which is an injury that cuts through all layers of the skin, and GBH. So putting aside the legal jargon, words are important.

If you take a good person, it means he does good. But can’t a good man do bad things too? Say I’m classified as a good person, does that mean I would never ever lie?

“So you see, Good and Evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.”
― Paulo Coelho,
The Devil and Miss Prym

So there are no good people or bad people. Just people, who are so flawed, but are so beautifully flawed. Now you are thinking, “OMG! Shailee is such a weirdo, calling her self beautiful.” I don’t mean the perfect eyes, or nose, or figure and so on. I mean that our imperfections make us all beautiful and unique.

Now imagine if we had no flaws. We wouldn’t just have somethings in common, we would have everything in common. We would be clones of this one person, and we wouldn’t know one person from another. But we have all these flaws which stop us from being ‘perfect’ and sometimes we spend too long trying to perfect our selves. We worry about our imperfections that we forget to live, we don’t see the beauty in our selves.

Admitting you are a flawed human being, leads to identifying and accepting these flaws. You work on them, and improve your self, you improve your identity.

There’s another important thing to do. When you admit you are a flawed human being, you can overlook the flaws in other people. We see the flaws of other people before we see our own flaws. And we let these flaws get to us, we let them choose who we like and don’t like. But we should accept the flaws of other people. Not only because that’s who they are and that’s what makes them unique. We should accept the flaws of other people because we too are flawed. And together we are all flawed but beautiful human beings. We are imperfect but unique human beings.

And I know that I’m the worst person to be saying this. Sure, I accept I’m flawed and I accept that other people are flawed. And I do try my best to overlook the flaws of other people. But at some point the flaws get to me, and I tend to let these flaws decide the future of our friendship. Which is bad, but maybe that’s my flaw. But I’m friends with people who I rarely agree with, who I have very little in common with. So I do overlook those flaws that nag me. Just not with everyone 🙂

Life…

Life we think to enjoy
Is sometimes like a mirage
There are ups and downs
As we travel along
We have good times
Which are enjoyed the most
We enjoy them so much
That we forget our grievances
But there comes bad times
Which we wish we could forget
We grieve on them so much
That we forget all those happy times
Life is like this…
Living with good and bad times
We share our happiness
As well as our grievances
There comes a joyous thought
A feeling as of not being alone
With family, friends and all
We can share everything we feel
Loving and forgiving
Kind and understanding
Grateful as we are
To all of you…!

The Bo Tree

The Bo tree doesn’t give shade
To Buddhists only
It’s doesn’t cringe in disgust
As nonBuddhists walk by
The church bells toll
To mark the hour
To remind the faithful of their faith
Regardless of their faith
The calling for evening prayer
When the sun is setting
When voices become quiet whispers
It calms all, those who pray, those who don’t
The sound of bells fill the air
The Swarmi walks around
Praying, sharing the puja
He doesn’t even notice the unpottu-ed girl in the crowd

Dew drops

Life is no more than a dewdrop balancing on the end of a blade of grass.
-Lord Buddha

The wise man warns me that life is but a dewdrop on the lotus leaf.
Rabindranath Tagore
 

“Life is but a day:
A fragile dewdrop on its perilious way
From a tree’s summit”
-John Keats

“Man’s life is like a drop of dew on a leaf.”

-Socrates

“Yes, I know
Life is a dew drop.
And yet . . .and yet . . .”
-Japanese poet Kobiyashi Issa,

 

 

Dew drops.
Glittering diamonds atop an emerald leaf,
An amber petal, 
Or a web of silver threads.
Pleasing the eye in one moment,
Gone in the next.
Such is our life,
Says many a philosopher.
What will you spend your dew drop for?
More peace on earth,
Or more hatred?
The choice, my friend,
Is finally yours…